M-Fuge! Finally :)

So I know that I've mentioned M-Fuge in a couple of my blogs recently, but this one is actually about it! Finally! So if you haven't figured it out, I went to M-fuge with my "husband" from Super Summer and his church. Let me just set the scene: I know 3 people that are going to this camp. Can you say scary? I was! So I drive from Nashville on a Sunday afternoon to go to Greg's church and meet everyone that will be going on the trip.

Those who know me well know that I am not shy at all. But this day, I went in a little shell and didn't come back out for a while. I was so nervous and scared. I knew that we were leaving at like 4 in the morning and I was already tired, so I tried to go to bed pretty early, but of course that didn't really work. So I slept for a little while on the bus on the way there, but also tried to talk to some people and learn more about them so that the week would be great and people wouldn't think I was TOTALLY weird.

So we get down there and do our registration and get things ready and mark what thing we wanted to do. The options were social (nursing homes and things like that), drama or something like it, games and recreation, children's ministry, pcy (yard work, construction, and painting - I think). Naturally, I put games and rec as number one, children's as number 2 and I think social as number 3. I really wanted to be put in games and rec, but ended up being put into childrens.

At first I was super bummed, but when I got to meet our group leader and the other people in my group I was really excited. We were going to be working at this place called Light of the Village. I have worked with inner-city kids before, so you know that I was super pumped. We got there the first day and I automatically fell in love. The kids were super rough, but it was amazing to see that they actually came and were learning about Jesus, and how to stay off the streets. Another amazing thing was that 2 guys from an organization called Homeboy Industries were there. They would talk to the kids about what it was like to be in a gang and how Christ transformed their lives and they are now living for him and helping other people that are on the streets turn their life around. The kids really loved these guys because they could relate to them. I played a lot of basketball with the kids, and made crafts, and helped the super little kids with their Bible story of the day. I met some really awesome kids and I pray that they stay off the streets and really cling to the Word of God. I hope that I can go back there some day and minister to those kids some more.

My roommate was Greg's wife, Michelle. I had just met her the day before we left for the trip, and she was super sweet. I was excited about rooming with her, and it was definitely a blast. We totally got in trouble by some of the other church groups for being too loud. Oooopsieee! We also had a lot of great talks and she was really there for me when I was struggling. Sometimes it hard to be in a leadership position, and be expected to be perfect all the time. I have faults too, and she definitely helped me get over that and realize that I am just a girl and I will make mistakes, but its what I make of those mistakes that determines who I really am.

One really bad thing about M-Fuge was the food. It was absolutely disgusting. That may also be because I am one of the pickiest eaters in the whole world. We ordered pizza's a couple of nights because a lot of us girls were super hungry. I got some of the food down, but it was definitely a struggle. They had the best pie though! I survived on that!

The morning Bible studies that we had were pretty good. It was really really early, so it was hard to focus sometimes, but I liked that there were only about 15 of us and we were all in college. I like small groups a whole lot better than humongous groups. It wasn't the deepest Bible study I have ever been in, but it sufficed.

The morning show was ridiculous of course. I'm never a big fan of those, but this one was alright. I tried to get in to it as much as possible, and it was funny. I enjoyed the time in the morning to grow closer to my team and enjoyed seeing all the campers go wild.

The evening worship was up and down for me. I didn't really enjoy the band that much. Some of the songs were great, but they did a lot of songs that no one had ever heard of, and a lot of them I felt weren't completely Biblical, so it would make me a little agitated, but was overall pretty good. The speaker was pretty good. The only thing that I would get aggravated about with him was his time. You can only usually keep teenagers for about 15 minutes, and he would speak for about 45 to an hour. I could concentrate the whole time, but most of the teenagers would be nodding off or get ADD so it was hard to try to keep everyone focused.

The church group time was good. We usually just talked about what we had done that day and something awesome that God did, or showed us. I was mostly quiet because I wanted to give the kids the time to talk. One night, Greg asked me if I would take the girls by myself with no other adults and just have some time with them. It was my favorite night, of course, but I really got to see them open up and see their hearts. I think that was the night I gained the most trust from the ladies. It's hard to open up to a group when they don't know you, or you don't know them, but I was really glad that they did.

Overall, M-fuge was a lot of fun. I definitely made some awesome new friends, and lots of new experiences. I've definitely opened up a lot more than I normally have to people that I normally wouldn't. I'm so glad I got the privilege to go, and it has only led to me spending more time with those students, which I have absolutely loved. I hope that I can continue to minister to students in some of capacity for the rest of my life. My heart really does have a passion for youth, and this trip helped me realize that even further.

I'm not sure what my next blog will be about, but it will be soon! Promise!

>K

I know I'm a slacker..

Since Jessie has been mean to me because I haven't written a blog in a while, I figured I would write a short one for now until I have a little more time to write an update on my life. As you can probably guess, I have been super super busy lately. Between work and school and being sick, life has been put on hold so I can focus on more important things.

First important thing that happened... I was attacked with the swine. Cool.. I know. Here is a nasty picture of me with the swine.

I definitely didn't know that I had it, so I went and hung out with some friends. Luckily, none of the people in this picture got sick, but I did accidently get quite a few people sick. Hopefully none of them hate me.

Another important thing that I'll expand on in another blog are the camps that I went to. The first camp I went to was called Super Summer. It was my third summer to do this and it was a lot of fun. Here's a picture of my awesome family.

Aren't they beautiful

This is husband Greg sitting on me

This camp was a lot of fun, and I think that one of the coolest things that came out of this camp was my awesome husband. We found out on the first day that he lived about 45 minutes away from Knoxville and then we ended up being small group leaders together, so it was a lot of fun to get to work with him. On the last day of camp, he asked me if I wanted to go to camp with their church, called M-fuge. I told him that I would absolutely love to, and it was a great decision. I went knowing very few people, but gained a ton of friendships through it. Here is a picture of everyone on the bus.

I had so much fun serving alongside these people and had a lot of fun especially with my roommate that week. Greg's "real wife" Michelle was my roommate for the week, and I'll just add a couple of pictures to show you what went down a couple of nights.

But we also had some good pictures taken too....

But like Super Summer, I am going to write another blog on M-fuge very very soon. After we got back from M-Fuge, I started attending Greg's Church, Church of the Cove.

I've been going there and hanging out with their youth ever since then and I absolutely love it. It's been a lot of fun getting to know everyone there, and there is a lot happening that could influence my future a TON, but I'll talk more about that later :) Always have to keep you guessing!

The other big big thing that happened this summer is that I turned 21! My day was pretty good. I drove all the way to Nashville so that I could spend the day with my family. We went to Kabuto, which is my FAVORITE restaurant in Nashville. In honor of my 21st, I got a drink called the Volcano, which was humungous, and I hardly drank any of it! We shared all of it around the table but it got finished. Here are some pictures from dinner.

So there's just a few of the pictures from my birthday. It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad that my family was there to celebrate with me.

So this past weekend, my dad got the privilege of being on David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, and Huckabee. I am so proud of him and he did an awesome job on all three shows! I also got to go see him play this summer in Pigeon Forge and I took a couple of pictures so I'll share those too!

My dad's name in LIGHTS!

Me and Mom before the show

George and Nancy

My dad singing!

The Man Himself!

So thats pretty much my summer. Now that I'm back in school, all I see are books, teachers, and my desk at work. But I'm making it. I applied to graduate today which is super super exciting so I'm just waiting for that day in May. So as I mentioned before hand, some of my future is up in the air, but big things are happening.

This summer, I was talking to my mentor, Lisa, and I told her that I really just wanted to get involved in a student ministry and I was going to try to help with a church in Knoxville. So after being at the Church of the Cove for a few weeks, Greg asked me if I would be a part of their student ministry and help with their middle school aspect. God truly answered prayer in that. So another thing that I have been worried about is what I am going to do in my future. I had been thinking for a while that I wanted to travel and do missions somewhere. I was talking to Greg about it and he mentioned that he was very involved in ministries in Haiti and India. So God is definitely opening doors and helping to to figure out things. I have such a peace about leaving America to go minister to those who do not know him, whereas before I was freaking out about it. I honestly think that by this time next year, I may be overseas somewhere doing the Lord's work, and that excites me!

Well, it's about time for me to be off work, so that's all for this blog. As soon as I have so more time, I will definitely update with a full update on Super Summer and M-Fuge! Hope you all have a good day :)

>K

That Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of the perfect guy riding on a white horse will come in and sweep me off my feet. As I get older, I realize that probably will never happen. Not that I think I will never get married, but I realize that my view of relationships has been totally skewed ever since I was a little girl. It's taken a number of failed relationships and talking to a lot of wise people to finally realize what a true relationship for me is going to look like one day. I have also seen a number of middle and high schoolers starting to go through the same things that I went through. I wish that when we were younger, the vision of the perfect man on the perfect white horse with the perfect bouquet of roses... I wish that we were never exposed to that so we wouldn't have that vision once we were older.

So I'm gonna divide this blog into 3 parts: What I've recently learned, what I wish younger people would know, and why I think relationships these days fail.

What I've recently learned:

After dating the wide array of losers that I have, I've realized that patience is the most important thing that a girl can have. Why do we always try to take relationships on ourselves and be the pursuer? We are supposed to be the pursuit! I know from my experiences, I've tried to take my desires into my own hands, and it has only led to destruction. God has to be in charge of all of it. Not me, not the guy, but God. 

I get so impatient wanting Mr. Right to be here now, but thats not God's plan for my life. I've never really been ready for the right guy to come along because I have been catering to my own desires. 

For so many years I knew that no matter what, I was going to end up with this one person. He may not have realized it, but I knew that we would be together no matter what. We spent 7 years being best friends and going on dates, but all of it was for nothing in the end. Although it was a good learning experience, what is the point in wasting your time on someone who isn't man enough to take the reins and make things serious? I should've known years ago that it would never work, but all he had to do was snap his fingers and I was at his beck and call. It took God shaking my head around and me falling to my knees to understand that he wasn't the one for me. All of the sudden, my backup guy that I always knew I was going to be with was no longer a desire of my heart. That was super super super scary to go through. Not knowing who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is something I've never really worried about. 

I've also realized that it is important to let go of old relationships and not be bitter about anything, or you'll never find the one that truly matters. Right before school let out, I was so mad about how wronged I felt by one person. He broke my heart and never realized it, or apologized for any of it. When I went to Super Summer, I realized I wasn't going to be able to truly minister to anyone or meet any prospects if I was still bitter about it. So I forgave that guy, and then I began to pray for him, which was super hard to do at first, but became easier each time that I prayed. So I let him know that I was praying and he seemed super appreciative.

It's kinda scary letting go of 7 years, and the most recent heartbreak. I started realizing that God is really starting to prepare my heart for a guy that will be my husband one day. I've never been able to let go of the past, but now I'm totally free of everything that once held me captive. God is definitely preparing my heart for something big. Very exciting!

The final thing that I've realized lately is that it's important to not change who you are because of the person you are trying to impress. So often, I catch myself suppressing some of my characteristics because I don't think that a boy would like me for them. I try to be so prim and proper, but thats not really who I am. Not that I can't be prim and proper, but I have a crazy side that loves to be spontaneous and outgoing and just be silly. I've spent so much time trying to be who I thought the person I wanted to be with wanted me to be, but what is the point in doing that? When I get married one day, those crazy characteristics are going to come out and what if he doesn't like them. Then, my marriage is doomed. Might as well go ahead and get them out of the way now instead of waiting until it is too late.

What I Wish Younger People Would Know

It's ok to be single. You don't have to have a boyfriend every minute of every day. Embrace singleness and live to the fullest. Once you are tied down you can't do the same things you were once able to do when you were free. Don't get depressed over a two month relationship. There will be others. Don't date someone you know you won't marry. What's the point? It's a waste of time! 

All the time I hear young people stressing out over whether a boy or girl likes them. Trust me, I was there just a few short years ago. It took me growing up a whole lot, especially spiritually, to realize that most relationships in high school don't last. Some do, and those should be cherished, but most of the relationships we have in high school are because we are lonely and want someone that we can hang out with.

I wish I had known how to be treated. I was walked all over when I was in high school. I allowed boys to boss me around, and I especially allowed my friends to influence how I acted in my relationships. That is the LAST thing you want to do. Be yourself, and if he isn't treating you like a princess, then forget it and move on. It's ok to wait for the one guy that won't walk all over you. It's ok to wait, it just takes patience. Thats a hard lesson, but I wish every young person understood that. I wish I had understood that. It would have led to a lot less heartbreak.

Last thing for now that I wish I had known when I was younger is that it is not our job a women to be the pursuer. We shouldn't have to go to the boy and encourage him to date us. I think the hardest part about relationships is just that. Knowing how to show enough interest so that they know you like them, but not being a pursuer. It's so stinking complicated, and often, guys won't step up and initiate things, causing girls to become the pursuer. Girls must be patient, and guys must step up and tell the girl that he's interested. That way, there are no blurred lines of communication.

Why I Think Relationships Fail

First, I think relationships often fail because they are not Christ centered. I'm totally positive that is why all of my relationships have failed. What I want now in a relationship is someone who will lift me up when I'm feeling discouraged and encourage me in my walk with Christ. I've never had that before which is why I'm still searching for Mr. Right.

I also think that girls being the pursuer is another huge reason. Often, guys are too scared to step up and show a girl that he is interested in dating her, so the girl does all the work. That is not ok! If the relationship starts with the girl taking charge, the relationship is most liking going to continue with the girl being in charge. That is not how God intended it to be! The man is supposed to be the leader, not the woman!

Another reason: boys and girls are scared to commit. We see something that could be potentially great, and we run. I've done it, you've probably done it.. It happens. How do you stop it? In my opinion.. you pray. If it is right, then God will give you the strength to stay and give you the wisdom to know what to do and how to commit. I also think that is why divorce is at such a high rate. We are afraid to commit, so we over commit. When we figure out that it isn't right, we run again. 

There are so many reasons why relationships don't last anymore. Who really knows? These are just the things I've realized and I've seen in my own life. I've finally decided to not worry about it anymore. To be totally in love with God, and know that he is going to provide me with some amazing guy that is absolutely perfect for me and my ministry. I wish that it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out. What's the point in wasting time on people that I'm not going to be spending the rest of my life with? And what's the point in worrying about it? Doesn't it usually happen when we are not looking is when Mr. Right usually comes along. I know thats not scientifically proven or anything, but we shouldn't be blatantly searching for someone. God is going to reveal to us the person that is right for us. Don't mistake me... there will not be some spotlight glowing around that person the second you meet them. It takes knowing them and their relationship with God to truly know if that is the person you will be spending forever with! So don't fret... just be patient :)

My rant is over. Next blog: all about MFuge!

Florida Florida!

So.. What am I doing in Florida? Everyone keeps asking me why I decided to spend the summer pretty much in Florida. So I'm going to answer the burning question.

Ok, so this year was filled with ups and downs in every area of my life. Stress, heartbreak, craziness... you name it and it probably happened to me. So, for the summer I really just needed to get away from the city and the people that constituted most of my unhappiness. So while doing that, I also decided to get a tan! I like to call it mind rehab.

As the year went on, my emotions went really haywire with almost losing two special people in my life, to actually losing someone, to getting my heart broken over and over again. It was just really important for me to refocus my self and remember what is important: my faith, family and friends.

I realized that I made a lot of poor decisions, mostly because of pressure or anxiety and basically not doing what I know is right. That's also probably why I got my heart broken a whole lot. I trusted everyone, which is very unusual for me, and that led to heartbreak.

But I'm now doing better. I have had time to refocus and concentrate myself and get away from the stress and the problems that I face. I know that once I am completely refocused, I will be able to combat the pressure and the stress and be able to focus myself and be the true leader that I know how to be. I'm so thankful for the friends that I do have that help me get through so much in my life. I can't wait to see what the future holds and I can't wait to be detoxed from the stress.

So I've been here in Florida. Resting, relaxing, and focusing my life. It's been a giant success. I find myself growing closer to the Lord and preparing for Super Summer in 2 weeks (which I can't wait for). I've been able to reflect back on the semester and look at each situation and identify whether it is good or bad, and how I can fix it. I know that it will involve letting people in my life go, but I also know it will be better for my sanity.

I'll blog again later about the specifics of what I've been doing, but for now, I'm gonna go watch a movie with my mom. Toodles!

>K

ANDDDD HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTA MERKLE.

A Whole Month

It's been almost an entire month since my last blog, but since life is calming down, I will have more time to blog. This month has been ridiculously crazy. With school and work, I have barely had time to breathe. This month has really showed me God's grace, and has been helping me grow more in Him. I wish I could remember all the things that have happened this month, but I definitely know I can't remember all of it.

I had finals, which went very well. As soon as my last final was over, I went straight into mini-term. Probably the worst idea I ever had. It was a three week public relations case study analysis class. I had class every day from 9-12, then worked 12-6, then usually went to the library to work with my group from 6-10, and by the time I got home I would be exhausted and go straight to bed. So needless to say, the only people I had interaction with were my group members.

Even though mini-term was terrible, something did come out of it. I didn't have a place to live, or people to live with, and neither did one of my group members, so I will soon be a resident of the Woodlands with my group member Tabatha. I think this will be better than the situation I am in now because we don't really hang out with the same people, so we won't have to worry. Plus, we have a lot of similar views and habits, so it should be good. I think I am most excited that I will have my own bedroom AND bathroom!

What else happened?

Oh yes. The bad part of the month. I had some really heartbreaking issues this month. I had my heart broken by someone I thought cared about me, my friend Addison almost bit the dust, and my friend Austin was murdered. Not such a fun month.

Through getting my heart broken, I have learned that I cannot just give my heart to anyone. I have to make sure that the person is right for me. I get so tangled up in words, and I don't ever step back and think about the consequences. And boy were these big. I found out a lot of new information that made me thankful that I didn't get too involved with that person. I know that God has the perfect person out there for me, and I'm excited for Him to reveal that in His time, not mine. For now, I'm not going to worry about it.

Addison is one of my dearest friends from high school. I found out that he was in the hospital and was having a lot of issues. He had a lot of pain and some swelling. All very scary things. Since then, he is doing better. The doctors still have no idea what happened to him and probably never will, but I'm just glad he is doing better.

I was sitting in class one day and logged on to utsports.com, and the lead story was about Ramar Smith. All of this is normal, he used to play UT basketball before he got kicked off for drugs and grades. The reason there was a story on him was because he robbed a boy named Kinder at his apartment complex. Ramar turned himself in but was out on bail after an hour.

Thats Ramar up there. I don't really like him much right now, and here's why. The day after he robbery, a man was shot at the Woodlands apartment complex. I was reading the story in class, and the boys name was Charles Corn. I was very interested because I knew a boy named Charles Austin Corn, so I facebooked it, and sure enough, it was Austin. Austin and I went to high school together, and I was friends with his sister. He used to tease me when I was in middle school, but was always nice to me once I was older.

It's been rough ever since. He was in critical condition, and I thought he would be ok, but he died last Sunday. I know Austin made some bad decisions, but I pray that he knew what was right and that he was following the Lord. I know his family is in the utmost pain, so I would really appreciate if everyone would pray for him.

I also got to see my dad perform this month. I went to Cherokee, North Carolina which is pretty close to Knoxville. My friend Amanda went with me and we had a great time. It was a whole lot of fun, and my parents invited us to go to Dollywood with the bus driver's family on Memorial Day. So we went and had an amazing time. I couldn't ask for a better day in the park.

That's pretty much all the exciting events that have happened in May. I'm leaving Knoxville on Monday and going to Florida on Tuesday. I'll definitely blog more while I'm down there!

Peace out ya'll!

It's Been A While

It has been quite some time since my last post. As much as I hate to say it, I really shouldn't be blogging right now. I SHOULD be studying for my exams on Monday and Tuesday. My mind is kind of in a whirl though. So much has been going on in my life, and I haven't even had time to just be still and reflect back on what has been going on. I'll do my best to explain all the wonderful and not so wonderful happenings of my life.

First was the Orange and White game, which would have been a whole lot of fun except for the fact that before we went into the game, I found out that a dear friend of mine was in the hospital. It is really hard for me to deal with things of that nature because I have dealt with so much death in my life. I automatically assumed the worst and assumed that Addison would soon be gone. After many deep breaths and talking to my mom, she calmed me down and told me to just breathe, and not worry because he is still alive. The next few days were filled with phone calls trying to let everyone know what happened, even though I had little information. All I knew was that his eye had swollen to the size of a golf ball, he lost vision, and that eye was also bleeding. He had massive stomach cramps and high fevers daily. He also had a bump on his temple (which made me the most nervous). Kara had told me that 4 specialists had been in to see him and none of them had ever seen anything like this before. That also scared me. I just wanted to know what was wrong with him and I wanted someone to tell me that he was going to be alright, because from that information it sounded like he was going to die at any minute. As far as I know Addison is still in the hospital. I'm going to talk to Kara this afternoon and see if she knows anything more.

Of course when I found this out, I automatically went into my little hole and didn't talk to hang out with anyone. I ended up going home last weekend because I wanted to visit him in the hospital, but he wasn't accepting any visitors.

Also, my silly car decided that she wanted to break. Thankfully, she is fixed, and the beast that I am driving right now will soon be returned to my mother. It's been kinda funny rolling in the Escalade though. I have turned many heads, but not because of what I look like, but because of what I drive. I think it shows a shallowness in some people.

The other thing that I have been really working on is my relationship with Christ. I have been so disobedient, and I finally feel like I am back on track with my life. Of course, it's not perfect, but I feel much more confident in myself as a person and my relationship with Christ. I've been hanging out with Jessie and Kaitlin more, and that has really inspired me to lead a better life. I also realized that Super Summer is coming up soon and it's my responsibility to be prepared for that, so I am getting back to where I need to be, and I'm so excited!

School is almost over for this year. Before I know it I will be a Senior in college. That is absolutely crazy for me! I began to ponder yesterday about the day that will soon be coming: the day I walk across the stage to get my diploma. It's one year away. I will have my public relations degree in hand. How crazy! I hope that I'm ready to be thrown into the real world by that point. I know that the economy is in terrible shape right now, but hopefully by the time I graduate there will be more opportunities for me to get a job.

Well, if I'm going to get that diploma I should probably start studying. It's been real.

>K

Life is fun.

I've had such a good two weeks. Although they have been filled with minor ups and downs, overall its just been amazing. Today I am so excited because my brother-in-laws parents are coming through Knoxville and they are taking me to dinner. They should actually be here at any minute. I can't wait!

My week was absolutely crazy! Monday was just a normal day. Work, school. ya know, all that jazz. Tuesday I had school all day then I had a mixer with my sorority, which was so fun! The theme was risky business so I wore an over sized oxford and some shorts and of course the aviators! It was a lot of fun though. I met a lot of cool people and had fun hanging out with my sisters.

Wednesday was a fun day too. I worked and had school, but we also had a game that night which was great. We won! That is always exciting. It was a really good game, and I got to sit next to Gus again which is always a treat!

Thursday was Bluegrass at Mellow Mushroom which was fun too. I played trivia with Josh vs. Nick so it was a lot of fun beating Nick pretty much every time. I left a little earlier than normal because I was so exhausted, but overall it was a good night.

Friday, Bethany, Jessie and I went to Mellow Mushroom and hung out for a little while, then I went to Lauren's toga party. It was pretty interesting. I didn't really want to wear a toga, so I just went in my normal clothes. Then we went over to someone's apartment and played Rock Band for like 30 minutes. It was fun too. I'm really really terrible at it.

Saturday I went to a B.A.C. party which is where you dress up as anything that starts with a B or A or C. I was a beach bum. Grace ended up spilling punch ALL over me, but it was still fun. I was super exhausted that night so I didn't stay long and ended up going home and staying up until about 3 texting. Never a good idea for me to sleep text.

Sunday I decided that I was going to take it easy, so I stayed home for most of the day then made cupcakes with Jessie and watched the fantasy factory. It was quite relaxing. I was definitely going to go to bed early and sleep a good nights sleep, which was so exciting, but again with the texting. I think I might be addicted HA!

I am really looking forward to this week. It should be pretty relaxing. I don't really have anything going on so I'm going to relax and catch up on homework and just enjoy these nice days that we are supposedly about to have!