Lets Talk About Sex

Ninjas, or something

It all started with this passage from The Hiding Place:

"It was that the solemn mother-daughter talk promised over the years for this night, the entire sex education which out taciturn society provided, was now not possible."

BUT MISS!!! Are you telling us that girls didn't get the sex talk until the night before they were married?!

Why yes, yes that is what I'm saying. My tenth grade class sat there, stunned.

Miss, I got that talk in the fourth grade.

This remark turned in to an hour long discussion on sex, dating, marriage, and relationships. And I didn't stop it. They were so engaged and interested in what I thought and what the Bible said about these topics. It was truly one of the best conversations we have had. Even though it wasn't on topic of the book, it was an encouraging conversation to have with these girls.

"Miss, why did you decide to wait?"

My class has known for a while that I was saving myself for marriage. I wear my "true love waits" ring every day, so they had asked me what it meant and I simply said that I was waiting until I got married to have sex. I was glad when this question came up because it gave me a chance to tell my story.

I don't recall ever getting "the sex talk" from my parents. I do remember getting it at school. "Sex is bad!" What an inaccurate way of explaining sex! That statement molded my view of sex from that point on. Not only did I want nothing to do with it, but I was TERRIFIED of it. No one ever told me how much of a gift from God it was. It was much later in life that I finally realized that sex is NOT bad. Outside of marriage, it is a sin and there are consequences, but inside of a God ordained marriage, it is a blessing! Even today, I have to wrap my brain around that. I have to put aside the thought that sex is bad, and remember that it is such a wonderful thing IF it is inside a marriage.

I wanted to pour truth into these girls, and I could see that so many of them had questions on the topic. I had them write questions down, and one girl said she had no idea that sex outside of marriage was a sin. I was thanking God that at least one girl heard the truth.

Then it moved to dating. I really don't like to talk about dating often because I have been so scarred by it. They wanted to know everything I thought about the topic, so I was asking God to give me the words to say to these girls. They knew a little bit about my past with boys, but they were asking in depth questions.

But Miss, I REALLY like him, but he is a player. My response: RUN. Don't even think twice about it because you'll probably end up getting hurt.

What if your parents don't want you to date? Obey. The Bible children, obey your parents. Chances are, they know what is best for you, and know that dating in the tenth grade often leads to heartbreak.

What if he asks you to sneak out to see him? Oh no. Don't do it! If he wants you to break your parents trust, then he is not worth your time.

We started talking about qualities that we liked in a guy. They were rattling off "nice eyes" and "great smile." I was giggling, and all of the sudden they said "MISS! What the the top five qualities that you won't compromise in a guy?" That question is often so difficult for me because I tend to be extremely picky when it comes to guys I date. But I tried, and here is what came out.

1. Man of God who loves God more than he will ever love me and strives for a relationship to grow in Christ.
2. A servant who always wants to help the people we are surrounded with and others around the world.
3. Attractive, because you just can't have a relationship if you aren't attracted to the person.
4. Adventurous and always wants to explore and find new things to do.
5. Intelligent, but not overly intelligent to where I feel stupid.

They giggled at some, but understood every single one of the things I was saying. We talked about building your relationship on the foundation of Christ, because without Him in the relationship, it is doomed. Relationships are incredible difficult, but 10 times harder if Christ is not the center of it.

I may never know if anything I said affected a single person, but God was definitely working in several of their hearts. I had them write down the things they learned and the questions they still had. I know God is stirring in their hearts and I'm excited to see where they go from here.

I know that I don't have many answers when it comes to dating and marriage and sex, but God spoke through me and allowed me to communicate His truths. After that class period, I was looking back at the people I chose to date in my past. I wish I would've listened to my own advice in college.

These girls mean so much to me, and I was so excited that I got to share a little piece of how God healed my heart with them.

My wonderful tenth grade class

This is why I love my job!

Some days I wonder why I am a teacher. I feel as if I am not reaching any students and really wonder if my ministry is worth while.

Then I have days like yesterday. I have been so sick lately, and my classes have not been too exciting. I still tutor after school, so yesterday, I was helping a student with some homework, but the conversation was turned quickly. There were two students in the lab, Adam and George (names have been changed). Adam is one of my students and I simply asked him, "How's life." He began to tell me how he was not happy and how he wanted to go back to Miami and go to school there. George chimed in and also told me how Miami was the "best time of his life." I was so curious as to why Miami was all that, and George replied... I was popular and I could get any girl I wanted.

I stopped for a minute. George is 16 and he's already talking about "getting girls." Still curious, I pushed him a little further. "So girl's is what made you so happy in Miami?" I asked. "Of course not Miss, I had football too!" Aha, girls and football. George starts talking about how he is a "playa" and can get any girl he wants. Me, being a female, and having been "played" before, I kept listening, but deep inside wanted to smack him silly for the things he was saying. I asked him why he thought it was ok to be a player. He couldn't really give me an answer.

The conversation kept going. Adam said he was more of a "one woman man" (sweet George Jones song, right?!) and he was still a virgin. George kinda rolled his eyes. He explained sex to me in this way... It's like ice cream, you can't just try vanilla and say that vanilla is your favorite, you have to try chocolate, strawberry, and all the other kinds before you can decide what your favorite is. This led to a whole other discussion. I simply asked him if he would marry a girl that had slept with a bunch of different guys because she was "trying out flavors." He automatically replied, "of course not!" So there I sat, dumbfounded. He is allowed to "try out flavors", but won't go near a girl that has had sex.

So I pushed further. I wasn't sure where either of these boys stood religiously, but they both responded that they were "Christian." I asked where that fit into the dating scene. Both replied that it really didn't. We continued talking, but I had this huge tug deep inside of me to share the gospel and tell them of God's grace. All I needed was an opportunity.

As we were talking, his viewpoint started to change. After telling them a little about my dating history, and telling George he needed to respect women and not just "play" them, his attitude started to change. He almost felt remorse for already having "messed up." Ding ding ding!!! Perfect opportunity! God really laid on my heart to tell George God's truth's. I told him about God's grace and that even when we mess up, He still loves us and he washes away all the sin so that we can start anew. He still loves us, regardless of what we have done. He won't forsake us or leave us. George's eyes lit up and it was almost like he had never heard it before. He looked me dead in the eye and said, I can't promise, but I want to do better. I want to try to wait to have sex until I get married.

This is why I know that I'm here for a reason. God gave me that opportunity to share His truths and one students eyes were opened. I don't know how God will grow this young man, but I know that a seed was planted in his heart. I'm going to have more conversations with this young man and try to really hold him accountable to what he said to me.

Whoever says that rich kids don't need ministering to was wrong. These kids need Jesus and to know God's truths just as much as the orphans. God has given me such a unique position to minister to the kids that will have power in this country, and even though the conversation started off about how "playas are gon' play" God still allowed His truth's to be shown, and that is something that I will always remember.

News on my sickness:

My fever came back yesterday, but I have had no fever today. As the day went on, I felt better and better. I'm hoping tomorrow I feel like a brand new woman. Here is my picture progression of how I've felt the past two days.

Yesterday, when my fever had returned. Who wears a sweatshirt in 90 degree weather?!


Today: a little better, but still not feeling great.

Hopefully tomorrow's picture will be of me smiling ear to ear with no symptoms at all. Hey, a girl can dream!

>K

That Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of the perfect guy riding on a white horse will come in and sweep me off my feet. As I get older, I realize that probably will never happen. Not that I think I will never get married, but I realize that my view of relationships has been totally skewed ever since I was a little girl. It's taken a number of failed relationships and talking to a lot of wise people to finally realize what a true relationship for me is going to look like one day. I have also seen a number of middle and high schoolers starting to go through the same things that I went through. I wish that when we were younger, the vision of the perfect man on the perfect white horse with the perfect bouquet of roses... I wish that we were never exposed to that so we wouldn't have that vision once we were older.

So I'm gonna divide this blog into 3 parts: What I've recently learned, what I wish younger people would know, and why I think relationships these days fail.

What I've recently learned:

After dating the wide array of losers that I have, I've realized that patience is the most important thing that a girl can have. Why do we always try to take relationships on ourselves and be the pursuer? We are supposed to be the pursuit! I know from my experiences, I've tried to take my desires into my own hands, and it has only led to destruction. God has to be in charge of all of it. Not me, not the guy, but God. 

I get so impatient wanting Mr. Right to be here now, but thats not God's plan for my life. I've never really been ready for the right guy to come along because I have been catering to my own desires. 

For so many years I knew that no matter what, I was going to end up with this one person. He may not have realized it, but I knew that we would be together no matter what. We spent 7 years being best friends and going on dates, but all of it was for nothing in the end. Although it was a good learning experience, what is the point in wasting your time on someone who isn't man enough to take the reins and make things serious? I should've known years ago that it would never work, but all he had to do was snap his fingers and I was at his beck and call. It took God shaking my head around and me falling to my knees to understand that he wasn't the one for me. All of the sudden, my backup guy that I always knew I was going to be with was no longer a desire of my heart. That was super super super scary to go through. Not knowing who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is something I've never really worried about. 

I've also realized that it is important to let go of old relationships and not be bitter about anything, or you'll never find the one that truly matters. Right before school let out, I was so mad about how wronged I felt by one person. He broke my heart and never realized it, or apologized for any of it. When I went to Super Summer, I realized I wasn't going to be able to truly minister to anyone or meet any prospects if I was still bitter about it. So I forgave that guy, and then I began to pray for him, which was super hard to do at first, but became easier each time that I prayed. So I let him know that I was praying and he seemed super appreciative.

It's kinda scary letting go of 7 years, and the most recent heartbreak. I started realizing that God is really starting to prepare my heart for a guy that will be my husband one day. I've never been able to let go of the past, but now I'm totally free of everything that once held me captive. God is definitely preparing my heart for something big. Very exciting!

The final thing that I've realized lately is that it's important to not change who you are because of the person you are trying to impress. So often, I catch myself suppressing some of my characteristics because I don't think that a boy would like me for them. I try to be so prim and proper, but thats not really who I am. Not that I can't be prim and proper, but I have a crazy side that loves to be spontaneous and outgoing and just be silly. I've spent so much time trying to be who I thought the person I wanted to be with wanted me to be, but what is the point in doing that? When I get married one day, those crazy characteristics are going to come out and what if he doesn't like them. Then, my marriage is doomed. Might as well go ahead and get them out of the way now instead of waiting until it is too late.

What I Wish Younger People Would Know

It's ok to be single. You don't have to have a boyfriend every minute of every day. Embrace singleness and live to the fullest. Once you are tied down you can't do the same things you were once able to do when you were free. Don't get depressed over a two month relationship. There will be others. Don't date someone you know you won't marry. What's the point? It's a waste of time! 

All the time I hear young people stressing out over whether a boy or girl likes them. Trust me, I was there just a few short years ago. It took me growing up a whole lot, especially spiritually, to realize that most relationships in high school don't last. Some do, and those should be cherished, but most of the relationships we have in high school are because we are lonely and want someone that we can hang out with.

I wish I had known how to be treated. I was walked all over when I was in high school. I allowed boys to boss me around, and I especially allowed my friends to influence how I acted in my relationships. That is the LAST thing you want to do. Be yourself, and if he isn't treating you like a princess, then forget it and move on. It's ok to wait for the one guy that won't walk all over you. It's ok to wait, it just takes patience. Thats a hard lesson, but I wish every young person understood that. I wish I had understood that. It would have led to a lot less heartbreak.

Last thing for now that I wish I had known when I was younger is that it is not our job a women to be the pursuer. We shouldn't have to go to the boy and encourage him to date us. I think the hardest part about relationships is just that. Knowing how to show enough interest so that they know you like them, but not being a pursuer. It's so stinking complicated, and often, guys won't step up and initiate things, causing girls to become the pursuer. Girls must be patient, and guys must step up and tell the girl that he's interested. That way, there are no blurred lines of communication.

Why I Think Relationships Fail

First, I think relationships often fail because they are not Christ centered. I'm totally positive that is why all of my relationships have failed. What I want now in a relationship is someone who will lift me up when I'm feeling discouraged and encourage me in my walk with Christ. I've never had that before which is why I'm still searching for Mr. Right.

I also think that girls being the pursuer is another huge reason. Often, guys are too scared to step up and show a girl that he is interested in dating her, so the girl does all the work. That is not ok! If the relationship starts with the girl taking charge, the relationship is most liking going to continue with the girl being in charge. That is not how God intended it to be! The man is supposed to be the leader, not the woman!

Another reason: boys and girls are scared to commit. We see something that could be potentially great, and we run. I've done it, you've probably done it.. It happens. How do you stop it? In my opinion.. you pray. If it is right, then God will give you the strength to stay and give you the wisdom to know what to do and how to commit. I also think that is why divorce is at such a high rate. We are afraid to commit, so we over commit. When we figure out that it isn't right, we run again. 

There are so many reasons why relationships don't last anymore. Who really knows? These are just the things I've realized and I've seen in my own life. I've finally decided to not worry about it anymore. To be totally in love with God, and know that he is going to provide me with some amazing guy that is absolutely perfect for me and my ministry. I wish that it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out. What's the point in wasting time on people that I'm not going to be spending the rest of my life with? And what's the point in worrying about it? Doesn't it usually happen when we are not looking is when Mr. Right usually comes along. I know thats not scientifically proven or anything, but we shouldn't be blatantly searching for someone. God is going to reveal to us the person that is right for us. Don't mistake me... there will not be some spotlight glowing around that person the second you meet them. It takes knowing them and their relationship with God to truly know if that is the person you will be spending forever with! So don't fret... just be patient :)

My rant is over. Next blog: all about MFuge!