Thursday, July 16, 2009

That Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed of the perfect guy riding on a white horse will come in and sweep me off my feet. As I get older, I realize that probably will never happen. Not that I think I will never get married, but I realize that my view of relationships has been totally skewed ever since I was a little girl. It's taken a number of failed relationships and talking to a lot of wise people to finally realize what a true relationship for me is going to look like one day. I have also seen a number of middle and high schoolers starting to go through the same things that I went through. I wish that when we were younger, the vision of the perfect man on the perfect white horse with the perfect bouquet of roses... I wish that we were never exposed to that so we wouldn't have that vision once we were older.

So I'm gonna divide this blog into 3 parts: What I've recently learned, what I wish younger people would know, and why I think relationships these days fail.

What I've recently learned:

After dating the wide array of losers that I have, I've realized that patience is the most important thing that a girl can have. Why do we always try to take relationships on ourselves and be the pursuer? We are supposed to be the pursuit! I know from my experiences, I've tried to take my desires into my own hands, and it has only led to destruction. God has to be in charge of all of it. Not me, not the guy, but God. 

I get so impatient wanting Mr. Right to be here now, but thats not God's plan for my life. I've never really been ready for the right guy to come along because I have been catering to my own desires. 

For so many years I knew that no matter what, I was going to end up with this one person. He may not have realized it, but I knew that we would be together no matter what. We spent 7 years being best friends and going on dates, but all of it was for nothing in the end. Although it was a good learning experience, what is the point in wasting your time on someone who isn't man enough to take the reins and make things serious? I should've known years ago that it would never work, but all he had to do was snap his fingers and I was at his beck and call. It took God shaking my head around and me falling to my knees to understand that he wasn't the one for me. All of the sudden, my backup guy that I always knew I was going to be with was no longer a desire of my heart. That was super super super scary to go through. Not knowing who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with is something I've never really worried about. 

I've also realized that it is important to let go of old relationships and not be bitter about anything, or you'll never find the one that truly matters. Right before school let out, I was so mad about how wronged I felt by one person. He broke my heart and never realized it, or apologized for any of it. When I went to Super Summer, I realized I wasn't going to be able to truly minister to anyone or meet any prospects if I was still bitter about it. So I forgave that guy, and then I began to pray for him, which was super hard to do at first, but became easier each time that I prayed. So I let him know that I was praying and he seemed super appreciative.

It's kinda scary letting go of 7 years, and the most recent heartbreak. I started realizing that God is really starting to prepare my heart for a guy that will be my husband one day. I've never been able to let go of the past, but now I'm totally free of everything that once held me captive. God is definitely preparing my heart for something big. Very exciting!

The final thing that I've realized lately is that it's important to not change who you are because of the person you are trying to impress. So often, I catch myself suppressing some of my characteristics because I don't think that a boy would like me for them. I try to be so prim and proper, but thats not really who I am. Not that I can't be prim and proper, but I have a crazy side that loves to be spontaneous and outgoing and just be silly. I've spent so much time trying to be who I thought the person I wanted to be with wanted me to be, but what is the point in doing that? When I get married one day, those crazy characteristics are going to come out and what if he doesn't like them. Then, my marriage is doomed. Might as well go ahead and get them out of the way now instead of waiting until it is too late.

What I Wish Younger People Would Know

It's ok to be single. You don't have to have a boyfriend every minute of every day. Embrace singleness and live to the fullest. Once you are tied down you can't do the same things you were once able to do when you were free. Don't get depressed over a two month relationship. There will be others. Don't date someone you know you won't marry. What's the point? It's a waste of time! 

All the time I hear young people stressing out over whether a boy or girl likes them. Trust me, I was there just a few short years ago. It took me growing up a whole lot, especially spiritually, to realize that most relationships in high school don't last. Some do, and those should be cherished, but most of the relationships we have in high school are because we are lonely and want someone that we can hang out with.

I wish I had known how to be treated. I was walked all over when I was in high school. I allowed boys to boss me around, and I especially allowed my friends to influence how I acted in my relationships. That is the LAST thing you want to do. Be yourself, and if he isn't treating you like a princess, then forget it and move on. It's ok to wait for the one guy that won't walk all over you. It's ok to wait, it just takes patience. Thats a hard lesson, but I wish every young person understood that. I wish I had understood that. It would have led to a lot less heartbreak.

Last thing for now that I wish I had known when I was younger is that it is not our job a women to be the pursuer. We shouldn't have to go to the boy and encourage him to date us. I think the hardest part about relationships is just that. Knowing how to show enough interest so that they know you like them, but not being a pursuer. It's so stinking complicated, and often, guys won't step up and initiate things, causing girls to become the pursuer. Girls must be patient, and guys must step up and tell the girl that he's interested. That way, there are no blurred lines of communication.

Why I Think Relationships Fail
First, I think relationships often fail because they are not Christ centered. I'm totally positive that is why all of my relationships have failed. What I want now in a relationship is someone who will lift me up when I'm feeling discouraged and encourage me in my walk with Christ. I've never had that before which is why I'm still searching for Mr. Right.

I also think that girls being the pursuer is another huge reason. Often, guys are too scared to step up and show a girl that he is interested in dating her, so the girl does all the work. That is not ok! If the relationship starts with the girl taking charge, the relationship is most liking going to continue with the girl being in charge. That is not how God intended it to be! The man is supposed to be the leader, not the woman!

Another reason: boys and girls are scared to commit. We see something that could be potentially great, and we run. I've done it, you've probably done it.. It happens. How do you stop it? In my opinion.. you pray. If it is right, then God will give you the strength to stay and give you the wisdom to know what to do and how to commit. I also think that is why divorce is at such a high rate. We are afraid to commit, so we over commit. When we figure out that it isn't right, we run again. 

There are so many reasons why relationships don't last anymore. Who really knows? These are just the things I've realized and I've seen in my own life. I've finally decided to not worry about it anymore. To be totally in love with God, and know that he is going to provide me with some amazing guy that is absolutely perfect for me and my ministry. I wish that it hadn't taken me so long to figure that out. What's the point in wasting time on people that I'm not going to be spending the rest of my life with? And what's the point in worrying about it? Doesn't it usually happen when we are not looking is when Mr. Right usually comes along. I know thats not scientifically proven or anything, but we shouldn't be blatantly searching for someone. God is going to reveal to us the person that is right for us. Don't mistake me... there will not be some spotlight glowing around that person the second you meet them. It takes knowing them and their relationship with God to truly know if that is the person you will be spending forever with! So don't fret... just be patient :)

My rant is over. Next blog: all about MFuge!